Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
