i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
