he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
