Buhtt sex?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
