She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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