I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
