Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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