Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
