I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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