Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
