Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
