So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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