I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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