she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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