sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
