Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
