It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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