just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
