I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
