so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
he just fucked me for my cheese..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
