How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
