My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
