I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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