she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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