We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
