Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
