I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You may now shotgun with the bride
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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