Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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