he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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