We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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