I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
