i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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