hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
