Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
