I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
