I'm really into asian looking animals
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
