Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
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