Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
