i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
