Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
