He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
