I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
