would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I looked at my own cervix.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
