it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
