Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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