It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
how drunk are you?
Several
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
