i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
