:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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