Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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