well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
