Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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