You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
