One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
