You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
