u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
