google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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