If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
